just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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