Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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