I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
