fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Someone came in the potted fern
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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