Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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