Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
