walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
