Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just want nice things and good sex
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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