what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
