She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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