Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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