She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
