I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
