just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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