I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
