A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
