Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
