Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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