if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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