Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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