everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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