I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dicks are not precious.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
