I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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