i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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