apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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