Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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