made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
