her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
