Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
