my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Randomize
