there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Do vagina's smell?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
