my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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