Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
