Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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