Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
