eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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