so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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