Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
