I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
