i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
