I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
