Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize