Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
