this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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