Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
