Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
