We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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