so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
