you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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