Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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