i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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