My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
