I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Girls should come with a carfax report
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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