I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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