I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
