you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
