now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
