He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
