I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Drake has all the answers
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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