She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
