so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
