there was a trapeze. enough said
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
