Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
