I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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