somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
