She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
