Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
