Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
