is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
